Stephanie Pearce: Don’t give up on love
June 29, 2014
I was driving through Steamboat a few weeks back and started searching through the radio stations. I stopped for a moment on a station that was playing 1980s music. The DJ was talking, though. She was going on and on about a listener that had written in and said he just wasn't in love with his wife anymore. They had been married for years and he just realized he wasn't in love with her anymore. She was a good wife, but he couldn't make himself love her. He didn't want to be miserable knowing he didn't love her anymore.
The DJ started in with her advice and suggested that the man divorce his wife. She said it's never worth it when you have to make yourself love someone because you can't. I immediately turned the station. What a load of manure she fed that man and her listeners.
I'm no marriage expert, but I have been married only once and for 17 years. Marriage is hard work. It's not something that often just comes easy. Usually, when you are just floating along, you start losing something. Kind of like that unsuspecting "good wife" that the husband was saying he wasn't in love with anymore.
Love is an action word. It's something that you choose to do. When you spend so many years with someone, yes, things get familiar. Things don't feel like love as much as a habit. That doesn't mean that you throw away a marriage, a commitment you made to be with and love someone forever.
If you feel like you aren't in love anymore, then do something about it. If your spouse is a good spouse, but you just don't feel that you love them, then do something about it. Go out of your way to do some things for your spouse that you would love for them to do for you. Do something that you know they would love.
Don't get upset because they are busy with life and don't buy you flowers or plan a date night for you. Maybe they are tired. Maybe they just don't feel like going out after a long day at work. Maybe they just are stuck in this place in your relationship that they don't think anything will work to make that spark either. So, make the first move. Plan a romantic dinner at home for them or take them out. Make a special night. Tell them that you love them and appreciate them. The more you do for them and they see the effort, the more they might be likely to reciprocate. You might just surprise yourself with this feeling. It might just be love.
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You know, that feeling that you didn't think you felt anymore? When you make the effort and choose to love them and show them you love them, it's amazing how those feelings truly grow. You won't be miserable if you have a good spouse and you go out of your way to make them feel loved. If they are a good spouse, they will love you back.
So, I hope the man that was seeking advice from the DJ reads this. I hope he realizes that if they just choose to love the one they chose, it will all work out. Don't throw away a promise because you just don't feel like sticking it out. Guess what you truly can make yourself love her if you want.