Lance Scranton: Scared? |

Lance Scranton: Scared?

Lance Scranton
Lance Scranton

Halloween is a few days away and all kinds of kids will dress up in all kinds of costumes to celebrate the scary time of year. Dressing in costumes at school has fallen out of favor in many school districts for fear of something scary happening. I remember kicking off the Thanksgiving season by dressing up as an Indian or a cowboy or maybe even a clown so I could glean a little extra candy out of my teachers. My parents frowned on the whole scary thing so I would marvel jealously at the cool kids who had blood dripping from their mouth or a hatchet taped to their skull or the one kid who went all out to dress in a cape, slick back their hair and wear some pointy teeth.

Scary times have put a damper on kids having a little fun, and I’m certain the costume industry has had to make major adjustments to produce more politically acceptable offerings. This year we have Donald Trump masks, celebrating the brave political heroes who are fearless and just want to tell the truth — oh, my mistake — that was the Hillary Clinton mask. Other possibilities this year might be creepy clown masks, skull masks, zombie masks or television and movie masks that run the gamut from Freddy (I spent many nights awake in bed when I was younger because of Mr. Kruger and his penchant for indiscriminate bludgeoning of innocent teenagers — or was that Michael Myers?) to Darth Vader and Captain America.

Today, there are so many real-life possibilities that might be great for Halloween: How about an ISIS terrorist? Literally, they are terrifying! Or Bernie Sanders, who tells us frequently that because greed and lust are what’s wrong with America, we need to give back up to 90 percent of what we earn. Another possibility might be a WildEarth Guardian, literally trying to scare the coal out of Moffat County. How about the generic candidate for public office who tries to make us feel like we’re not smart enough to understand the complexities of an issue they will never address because they are too busy spewing out garbage they have been “advised” to say — now that could be a really disturbing costume at a Halloween party!

The real problem with Halloween isn’t that it celebrates a culture of horror, death and too much candy — it’s that the real world seems scarier. But, while kids get a sweet reward for their efforts on Halloween, we get to take a little break and celebrate a little bit of a distraction until reality hits the next day or a few months later at the dentist’s office! Hey, now that might be a great costume — the diabolical, capitalist dentist who secretly super-funds candy disbursement on Halloween to rake in the money from fillings and tooth extractions later! Just kidding, dentists —please don’t hurt me on my next visit, Dr. Fenton!!

Enjoy Halloween for what it was always meant to be: stockpiling as much candy as possible and maybe playing a few tricks on the neighbors… not that I am saying this is okay. All little children should be properly supervised and at home by a decent time finishing up their homework or reading a book!

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