H. Neal Glanville: A chat with Mr. Weak Side
It’s the day after Thanksgiving and I, such as you should be, am reasonably thankful we’ve made it this far. Though it is confusing that the day after Thanksgiving has been given the same name as the day the stock market crashed in 1929.
This past Tuesday, on that Wally world street with its own landing strip from the Planet Stupid, all the major retail stores posted losses.
Then the well paid “experts” from the Western Nevada state line to that lovely retirement community in Southern Florida stepped forward with their differing reasons behind this holiday season belch.
Most went for the “blame it on the Euro” banking system, while some mumbled about their hedge fund managers being under investigation. The rest fell to the ground withering over the worth of our dollar opposed to the unexplained rise in gold.
Since there are only three apparent problems, I’ve asked the weak side to explain this enlarged hiccup so we normal people can try and grab a handful of it.
The weak side has concluded that since he trimmed his hedges rather short this spring, and cleaned up most of his mess, “Let them investigate, I’ve left nothing inside those bushes that would help my neighbor out.”
Well said, Mr. Weak Side.
The weak side then went off and spent his cartoon time doing semi-serious calculations regarding the American Stimulus Program and the Euro-system of banking.
Here, in America, if you “wish upon a star” for some extra wampum, you either “Mickey Mouse” your way into the pockets of the Washington, D.C., elite that are either under investigation or going to trial, or you can whisper in the ear of the stimulus committee that if they respond to your plight and raise your entitlement check an extra billion dollars, you’ll “pork barrel” half that back to them and maybe put their name on a local manhole cover or name the new white collar crime day care center after you.
Across the big pond, it’s much easier, you announce to the universe, which includes the Planet Stupid, your country’s debt, less costs for retirement pensions and the obvious needs of the entitled gangsters carrying their store bought signs to lunch, that quite simply you’re broker than broke and if the World Banking guys don’t come up with a few trillion euro’s they can clean the public toilets and keep all the fountains running by themselves, so there.
Please continue, Mr. Weak Side.
“If we pony up American dollars for euro’s, who’s responsible for the different devaluations and more importantly, how do we get paid back?
“As to gold — quit buying it. You’re simply raising the price of a shiny object that will never show the return you’re hoping for. After all, any purchase or profit over $600 is reported and taxed by, well, you know who.”
Again, Mr. Weak Side, we thank you for your time and valuable insight.
“Is it time for Captain Kangaroo?”
Yes, sir, it is. Thank you again.
Hey, you be careful out there.
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It’s tough being a kid today.