Christina M. Currie: In a perfect world … | CraigDailyPress.com
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Christina M. Currie: In a perfect world …

Christina M. Currie

For the first time in five years, I’m obligated to host two separate birthday parties instead of the combined – and much easier – single party that having two girls so close in age has allowed me.

It’s time, but I can’t say that I’m looking forward to twice the planning, twice the noise and twice the chaos.

I know, I know, I’ve already been told that I’ve been cheating all these years, so it’s time to pay my penance.

And, I think I am.

Katie, like most 7-year-olds, I assume, is obsessed with being a mommy. When I tell her to stop growing, she complains, “then I’ll never get big so that I can have a baby.”

That’s normal, right? If it’s not, I’m gonna freak out.

So, knowing what my daughter loves most, I shelled out $50 on a doll that says “Night, night,” “I love you, mommy” and “Oops! I made a stinky.”

She says that because she really does.

I know, I’m insane.

On top of the doll, I was obligated to purchase a stockpile of the food that makes her poop (special food that only works with this particular doll) and diapers.

I have two girls who are 14 months apart in age, which meant I was buying and changing diapers for nearly four years.

I did a happy dance the day I went to the grocery store and left without diapers in the cart.

Now, just a few years later, I’m shelling out a buck apiece for the darn things!

I think it’s the universe getting things backwards again. You either have energy or wisdom, not often both.

Katie’s at the age where she’s thrilled with the idea of having a baby that does nothing but poop and cry. I’m at the age where I cry when a baby poops. And by the time Katie’s children are old enough to want a baby with diapers, I might be able to fill that role.

Ideally, 7-year-olds would spend as much energy cleaning up messes as they spend making them. Girls wouldn’t get excited about taking care of babies and changing diapers until they turned 16 and could deliver that service to your door. Mommies would be graced with half the energy of either one. And grandparents would get credit for the experience they’ve had and we’d listen to the advice they shared instead of thinking that we know better (hey, they thought the same thing too, which is why they have experience share).

There you go. That’s my idea – we’ll part of it anyway – of a perfect world.

Instead of living it, by this time next week, I’ll probably be shopping for diapers again.

I can live with that, but I draw the line at changing diapers.

And if this goes well, which I know it will, in less than two months I’ll be searching for another baby that poops for another birthday for another girl who just can’t wait to grow up.

Ah, poop!


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