Baxter Black: Brand name beef
October 17, 2014
ROADSIDE CHUCK — Delicious cuts of beef collected from scenic highways around the country. Flattened to the peak of tenderness.
COUNTY LINE CUTS — (A division of Borders Beef Co.) Steaks and stew meat with an exotic history. Green card available upon request.
PENCIL THIN MEATS — The closest thing you can get to jerky and still pay fresh meat prices.
HYDEN HARE — Novelty meats for teething babies and dog training.
NO FAT PATS — Ground meat from aged, exercised beef, supplied by Vold Rodeo Productions.
HOLIDAY HELPER — Pressed patties preformed in the shape of the occasion; Santa, a turkey, a football, the judge's gavel.
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SPACE FOODS — Shrink wrapped, unidentifiable portions intended to be served a long way from point of purchase.
SWEET MEATS — Chocolate covered chicken kidneys, beef liver or sliced pork tongue, expensively and individually wrapped in foil.
MARINATED MERRY MEAT — Your choice of brisket or flank steak marinated in the fruit juice of the day. Hawaiian punch, grape, etc.
CHURCHILL DOWNS SPORTS MEAT — A line of highly select steaks and specialty cuts from near winners.
CERTIFIED BEEF BEEF — Guaranteed to contain less than .2 percent by wtight rodent hair, weevils, water buffalo. Sho Glo, Wildroot Cream Oil and Spam.
MA'S DEHYDRATED DELI MEATS — Excellent for busy traveler. Simply open the handy zip lock bag and add water. Makes its own gravy!
SIERRA SAM'S ALL NATURAL TRAIL MIX — A delightful concoction of dried beef, pine needles, shredded Environmental Impact Statements and quaky bark.
BILLY BOB'S BEEF TALLOW — Great for your complexion. Eat it, drink it or rub it on!
LO TAR TIBITS — Small portions from non-smoking steers.
WYOMING ONE SHOT SELECT — Stew meat marinated in liquid smoke. Contains a tantalizing hint of antelope.