Baxter Black: Beetless Tuesday |

Baxter Black: Beetless Tuesday

Baxter Black

I felt a twinge of sadness when I heard that the SEAM (Social Engineers And Manipulators) had declared BEETLESS TUESDAY in Missoula. It cast a pall over folks in Montana. Little school children begging the cafeteria lady, “Please, please, we need our beets!”

It’s a three-purpose vegetable;

1) A Tuber of Play, ancient Viking children from Williston played ‘Kick the Beet’

2) It is a Tuber of Art, early Scottish settlers sculpted tall statues of Mr. Potato Head in beets and made the Polish pioneers carry them long distances, thus the origin of the name ‘Totem Poles’, and,

3) Last but not least, the beet is a Tuber Time Piece. When left on the north side of the tractor shed a beet has a half-life of two years. As it disintegrates, you can measure its weight and circumference to determine how much longer your representative has to serve.

Why would the SEAM pick on beets? To reduce global warming? To improve gas mileage? To lose weight?

Have they thought of No Power Wednesdays? That would have a serious impact on our use of coal, uranium, and hydroelectric dams, not to mention having to cover our solar collectors. But would people turn off their heaters, air conditioners, refrigeration, Prius, CNN news, or factories? Even for an hour?

Better yet, let’s have Coffeeless Thursdays! All the Seattle’s Best, Starbucks and Columbian burros would be laid off for a day. In seven years we would save enough coffee to make it free for a year!

It would help if we understood why social reconstructionists would be calling for Beetless Tuesday, Shoeless Saturday, Deodorantless Friday, Ben and Jerryless Sundaes or Meatless Mondays. Is it for the common good? If so, who’s common good? The beet growers? Where shall we start these social engineering experiments? The Refugee camps in Somalia? The unemployment lines in Detroit? The Terlingua Chili Festival?

If we want to do something serious as a country, instead of taking something away, how ’bout offering something back! How about Taxless Tuesday. Everything you earn Tuesdays you get to keep! If you are making $650 a week and paying 20% of your income to the government, your tax equals $26 dollars a day. If just one day a week you could keep all you earned you would have an extra $1,362 at the end of the year.

Which makes more sense to you : $1,362 or not eating Beets on Tuesday? Maybe it’s just me.

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