Annie’s Mailbox: Trying to do what’s best for baby
Dear Annie: I recently married my boyfriend, “Joey.” We have a 5-month-old baby. Joey still goes out drinking with his friends, and I don’t know if he’s cheating on me. I’ve asked him many times to come home and take responsibility for his family because he doesn’t spend a lot of time with us. He always promises he will, but nothing changes.
Joey is also lazy. He sleeps until noon and won’t help with the housekeeping or cooking. We argue almost every day, and I’m tired of it. For our baby’s sake, I’m trying to keep things together, but all the fighting and tension can’t be good for our child.
I believe a man who can’t keep his promises is a liar. Would it be better for the baby if I leave? We can’t afford counseling, and I can’t hold on much longer.
– Need Advice in Palau
Dear Palau: Does Joey have a job? Is he helping to support his family? The two of you need to decide what will provide the healthiest environment for your baby. Your clergyperson should be able to direct you to low-cost counseling services, and you also may be able to find affordable counseling through Palau Community College. Please look into it.
Dear Annie: My grandmother has emphysema and refuses to get help. Worse, she still smokes. She’s started losing her memory and has become increasingly irrational and combative. She also has severe migraines and has lost nearly 50 pounds.
Today, I sat her down and told her everyone in the family is worried about her. I said we all love her and are trying to help. She accused me of being disrespectful and said I made her feel stupid and useless. My mom has given up on her, but I haven’t. I’m only 17, and it’s like the world is on my shoulders. What can I do?
– Feeling Old
Dear Feeling: Ask your mother to speak to Grandma’s doctor about her migraines and the irrational, combative behavior. There may be more going on than aging. We know you care deeply for your grandmother, but you must understand that she is ultimately responsible for her own health and you cannot force her to stop smoking. Under those circumstances, the most loving thing you can do is not to judge or argue with her about her choices, but to accept her as she is.
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