Annie’s Mailbox: Longtime boyfriend may have ADD |

Annie’s Mailbox: Longtime boyfriend may have ADD

Dear Annie: I have been with an amazing man for many years. “Todd” is funny and sweet, and my family adores him. However, I continue to question our relationship because, although he’s very motivated, he lacks the follow through.

Todd has started and stopped numerous careers and changed his course of school study more times than I can count.

I, on the other hand, have finished two degrees and started a career.

He is in the exact same place he was when we started the relationship.

My family loves him so much that they make excuses for his situation. They say, “Give him time,” but it’s been four years. Am I being too picky?

Should I be happy that I have found someone who treats me well? And if I do give him more time, how long do I wait for him to get his act together?

I believe Todd may have ADD. He mentioned he was diagnosed as a teen but stopped taking the medication because it “made him jittery.” I’m sure many advances have been made in the treatment of ADD within the past 10 years. How can I approach him about seeking help again without hurting his feelings or making him defensive?

– Restless and Waiting

Dear Restless: If you are planning to marry Todd, you ought to be able to discuss your concerns honestly with him. Ask if he is bothered by his inability to stick with a specific career. Mention that adult ADD can be problematic, that there might be medication that works better for him and that, along with behavior modification, he could find ways to be more focused. Then decide whether Todd’s other qualities make up for this particular irritation, because we can’t promise it will change. Not every man has to be the ambitious breadwinner.

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