Sheep Racing, sport of kings and other people
July 17, 2001
The other day, while contemplating the possibility of sniffing glue, I came upon an idea which should be bigger than inhalants in small towns sheep racing.
From the time I was a young child, all the way through my high school years, I spent much of my summer vacation on thoroughbred horse racing tracks.
I, for one, can attest that animal racing without a doubt is one of the most thrilling spectacles on earth.
Thrilling, that is, aside from those filthy greyhounds.
Here in Craig, the Moffat County Fairgrounds boasts a perfectly-kept, and little-used race track surrounding the ever-busy arena.
The only event that I’ve ever heard touted for the race track is the chariot race, however, I have also heard that the chariot race is nothing like the Ben Hur chariot races so just exactly what is the point of having it?
Instead, I believe it’s time that we come together and be innovators, like Ron Popeil, the inventor of the famed -pocket fisherman and rotisserie cooker.
Now, I don’t know if sheep will race, but I have a few ideas that will make sure that they will.
The key, you see, to the whole idea is monkeys.
That’s right, monkeys.
One only needs to take a tequila-fueled vacation to Tijuana, and attend one of the many dog races to see monkeys in action, riding their little hearts out on the back of those aforementioned, filthy greyhounds.
The monkeys have everything from a little helmet to a miniature riding crop which of course, they can utilize because of their opposable thumbs.
Now, if a monkey whipping the hind-end of a sheep doesn’t get 100-plus pounds of walking hagus moving, I don’t know what will.
Monkeys, I’m sure, are in short supply in Moffat County, but in truth I imagine that as a community we could scrape up enough money to rent a baker’s dozen worth of primates as long as we return them in one piece.
As for the sheep, I’ve been to a sheep show at the fairgrounds, and I’ll have to admit that Moffat County produces the Flo-Jo’s of the sheep athletic world.
In fact, many of sheep I saw at the show could easily be the fittest I’ve ever seen except for the “Super Sheep” that are bred down-under in Australia. Leave it to an island founded by convicts.
Just think, if we could get something like this going.
The betting, the thrill of victory and of course the monkeys.
I get chills just thinking about it.
An added feature, aside from winning money on the victorious sheep, would be allowing the winning-ticket holder access to the arena so they could kill, dress and cook the winning sheep for all of the spectators to enjoy.
We could be like that town in Spain which has a festival celebrating a goat being dropped from a church steeple.
Man, those Spaniards have always been revolutionaries.
As a bonus, we could have a pick-six.
A pick-six is where the bettor picks the winner of six different races.
The winner of the pick-six could be the recipient of all the unrefined wool sheared from the different entrants.
Since the money bet on the race really wouldn’t have to be paid back, the city could make a killing off the races and actually put the money to good use.
They could even make enough to buy a bucket of paint and paintbrush to yellow-up the curb at the southbound intersection of Yampa Ave. and Victory Way, creating an actual right hand turning lane.
But, of course the turning-lane idea may be a little too wacky.
About as wacky as sheep racing.
And that’s no Ginsu.