Duce Vandivere: Girl Scout cookie memories
January 31, 2013
To the editor:
It's that time of year again.
The time of year when thousands of greenclad girls set up shop in front of City Markets, Wal-Marts, and various other places of business to peddle their wares.
I’m referring of course, to the Girl Scouts of America and their famous cookies. I love ’em. A box of thin mints and a tall glass of milk and I’m happy all day.
I’ve enjoyed Girl Scout cookies for as long as I can remember. In fact there is a story about me as a child that my mom likes to tell to anyone who will listen.
When I was five years old I was constantly dirty. Most of my time was spent going into or out of the bathtub.
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One particular day my mom had just set me in the tub when there was a knock at our door. I couldn’t hear everything that was said but I distinctly heard my mom say “no thank you I don’t want to any cookies today”.
Well she may not have wanted any cookies but I did. I jumped out of the tub, ran down the hall and was out the front door before she could stop me.
The Girl Scouts were halfway across our lawn by this time and when they turned around and saw a naked, dripping wet, five year old bearing down on them they did what any red-blooded Girl Scout would do, they ran like crazy.
If you lived on our street and happened to be outside that day you would have seen two Girl Scouts running for their lives, right behind them a naked five year old screaming at the top of his lungs: “I want some cookies”
Bringing up the rear that boys mother shouting things that wouldn’t be appropriate in a truck stop bathroom.
I lost the Girl Scouts but I couldn’t lose my mother. She dragged me back home by my ear, threw me in my room, and told me to stay there until my father got home.
When dad got in mom stood me in front of him and made me tell him what I had done. Instead of scolding me or spanking me my dad laughed so hard he fell out of his chair.
Dad suggested leaving me naked behind the door to scare off any Avon ladies, insurance salesmen, or Jehovah's Witnesses. Mom didn’t think that was funny.
I will add this, it was four years before another Girl Scout came by our house. Her first question wasn’t “would you like to buy some cookies.”
No, her first question was” does that naked little weirdo still live here”? Mom said yes but I wasn’t home. She did however buy twenty dollars worth of cookies and gave me a whole box of thin mints.
More than thirty years later I still enjoy Girl Scout cookies. So support your local Girl Scouts of America and purchase some of their delicious cookies.