Annie’s Mailbox: Woman worried about marriage
December 18, 2010
Dear Annie: My husband and I each have our own profiles on Facebook, and we are "friends," so we can see each other's profiles.
Several weeks ago, I noticed that he had deleted all pictures of me from his photo album.
When I asked him about it, he said it was "accidental."
I asked him to put at least one photo of me back on there, and he said he would, but so far, he hasn't.
His profile photo on this site is our wedding picture with my face cropped out.
Coincidentally, his friends have been inviting him more frequently to events that do not include me.
The last event they had, they made sure to invite our dog but not me.
Am I right to feel hurt? Should I be suspicious?
Dear Worried: Let's see. Your husband has deleted your photo from his networking site and cropped you out of his wedding picture.
His friends exclude you from events where other wives are present. They'd rather socialize with your dog than you. Suspicious? You bet.
Your husband is clearly telling you something about the state of your relationship, and it isn't good. Ask him to go with you for counseling to figure out how to handle this.
Dear Annie: I am wondering whether I should continue to gift my daughter-in-law at Christmas. A year ago, "Laurie" informed me that she was contemplating a divorce for a variety of reasons.
Laurie and my son have three children. Her father paid for the children's private school education, and he is now covering the oldest child's college tuition.
In turn, for the past 25 years, I have contributed more than $10,000 annually for their living expenses, most recently paying off their home mortgage of $224,000.
Laurie and I used to get along, but since her announcement about the potential divorce, she has stopped corresponding with me, with the exception of two e-mails in which she excoriated my son.
In spite of her complaints, I'm sure their problems are not entirely his fault. Laurie has her own issues.
However, because she is taking out her unhappiness on me, I do not feel inclined to gift her at Christmastime.
I usually give each of them $500. Would I be wrong to eliminate her as a recipient?
My husband says "peace at any price" and thinks we should overlook her bad behavior. What do you think?
— To Gift or Not To Gift
Dear Gift: Laurie is the mother of your grandchildren and, until she actually goes through with a divorce, is still your daughter-in-law.
You have accustomed her to your largesse, and if you cut her off now, she is not likely to take it well.
You certainly don't owe her such a generous gift, but she is a member of your family and should be treated as any other.
Keep in mind that she and your son could reconcile, and your treatment of her will not be forgotten.
Instead, see what you can do to improve your relationship.