Annie’s Mailbox: New love didn’t last
December 16, 2009
Dear Annie: I am a 49-year-old widow. I recently began dating the most wonderful gentleman. "Martin" and I fell in love in just eight weeks.
Martin worked with a man who died four months ago. That widow has been having a rough time because her late husband killed himself, and after that she discovered he had been cheating on her. She lives in the same town where Martin works, and I am two hours away. We helped her move out of her house, and Martin said he'd be there whenever she needed him. She started calling him all the time.
One night, he had to work late, which he never does. I didn't hear from him all day. By 11 p.m., I figured he'd call me on his drive home, but he didn't. The next morning, I texted and asked why he hadn't called. He said he'd been on the phone with the other woman. Martin had transferred some home movies to CDs for her, and she was crying while watching them. This was the second time she had called him crying about those videos.
I was a little hurt that Martin didn't call me after speaking to her and told him so in a text message. I didn't hear back. Three days later, I texted again and asked, "Can we talk, or is the relationship over?" He replied, "It's over."
I am so distraught. He won't communicate whatsoever. I don't get it. I know he is not interested in this woman. Why doesn't she call her girlfriends when she's crying instead of a single guy in a newly established relationship?
We were so in love. How can it be over so quickly after one little disagreement? What should I do?
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— Heartbroken Widow
Dear Heartbroken: You may not want to believe it, but Martin is most definitely interested in this woman, and she's a lot more conveniently located than you. She is after him, and that's why she calls, crying and needy. He's a louse for breaking it off the way he did, and you might have gotten more information had you called instead of texted, but he's right about one thing: It's over. Sorry.
Dear Annie: I have two girlfriends who live in opposite directions from me. Whenever I invite one of them to my house, the other shows up unannounced. It's as if they have radar or something.
They talk to each other and ignore everyone else. When they leave, they say it's been fun and we should talk again. What talk? I didn't say a word. I am nothing more than a waitress in the restaurant, providing them with drinks. I feel like leaving a bill and asking for a tip. What do you suggest?
— Without a Tip
Dear Tip: There is no mystery why they both show up. When you invite one, she phones the other and tells her to come. Obviously, these two women cannot be apart from each other. Either invite both of them or neither.
Dear Annie: I wanted to respond to your reply to "Sleeping Alone in Florida," whose boyfriend insists on staying with his parents when they visit, and she stays with hers. You said he was being selfish not to compromise.
For three years before my husband and I married, we would visit his folks in Florida. Although his parents had prepared a bed for the two of us, I felt very uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed with him and told him so. Consequently, we slept in separate rooms in the same house until we were married.
Maybe the boyfriend feels uncomfortable sleeping with her in either house out of respect for both sets of parents.
Dear C.D.: We were bombarded with angry mail from readers who assumed the boyfriend was doing this out of respect — a perfectly good reason, and if so, he ought to make it clear to his girlfriend. But even in separate bedrooms, the two of them should alternate where they stay, if possible. It's good practice for when they marry.