Annie’s Mailbox: How can I trust my husband?
January 15, 2010
Dear Annie: I have known my husband for nine years, and we've been married for the past three.
Unfortunately, it has not been a stellar relationship. My husband has a mental health problem that he dealt with by abusing drugs, which resulted in physical, emotional, mental and financial abuse toward me. We are now separated.
To his credit, my husband is receiving counseling and attending support groups and has been put on proper medication for his mental health issues.
He is no longer abusing drugs. I am also in therapy to deal with the trauma and hurt.
My husband would like to work things out, but I don't know if I can ever trust him again, let alone go back to someone who caused me so much pain. My question is, would it be safe, after receiving proper help, to return to him? If so, how do I get over the past? It's only been six weeks since we separated, and healing doesn't seem possible.
I still love my husband, but I don't think that's enough. I've brought this up in therapy, but have not come to any conclusions. Have others been in similar situations, and has it worked out for them?
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Dear Arizona: If your marital problems stemmed from your husband's drug abuse, and if the underlying causes have been addressed and drugs are no longer an issue, there is hope for your relationship. Naturally, you cannot simply assume he's better.
You will have to see him in action throughout a longer period of time, so please don't rush into any decisions. Get to know him again, and take your time.
We are sure our readers will weigh in with their own experiences, and we will print the best ones.