Annie’s Mailbox for March 11, 2011: Girlfriend wants a ‘break’
March 11, 2011
Dear Annie: I’ve been dating “Trish” for almost two years. She’s a few years younger than I am. I always saw myself as being single forever, but now I’ve learned the real meaning of love. I don’t want to be apart from her.
Trish recently began a new job and quickly became good friends with some of her male co-workers. These guys have rather unsavory reputations when it comes to women. Trish, however, has grown quite fond of the friendships. I can accept that. However, when I asked her to introduce me to these guys so I could get to know them, she reacted by saying I should trust her.
I do trust her. I don’t trust them. This started a few little arguments that resulted in her wanting to take a “break” from our relationship. What exactly does that mean? Are we still together in theory? What’s the usual duration of a break — a few days, weeks, months?
— Lost Love
Dear Lost: Wasn’t this an episode of “Friends”? A break means you are taking a breather from each other. It could be temporary or permanent, depending on what happens in the interim. In many instances, the purpose of a “break” is for one or both parties to be able to date others. Trish is feeling a little suffocated and wants to spread her wings without saying so directly. She doesn’t want to break up with you entirely because a new relationship might not work out and she’d like you to still be available. Whether or not you are is up to you.
Dear Annie: I am a 24-year-old woman who has never had a date, never been kissed and never had a man show any interest in me.
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I work from home so I don’t meet anyone that way. All of my friends are engaged, married or in a relationship. Online dating sites try to match me up with men I don’t have anything in common with or find attractive.
I know I should embrace the fact that I am single and don’t have anyone to answer to. But it is getting lonelier every year, and I have yet to find someone to share my life with. How do I come to terms with the fact that I will be waiting for my guy while my friends keep passing me by?
— Waiting to be Kissed
Dear Waiting: Men are not going to come to your home and ask you out. You have to go where they are. Let your friends and family know you are looking. Churches and synagogues often have singles groups. Join a political organization, or take a class that interests you. Audition for a community theater production. Sign up for a singles travel tour.
If you do things that interest you, not only will you be enjoying your life, but you will find like-minded people. Put on your friendliest smile and make conversation. You never know who is going to be worth your time. Even those who are not your type may introduce you to someone who is. The more you expand your social circle the greater the chance of meeting that special someone.
Dear Annie: I read with interest your response to “Concerned Daughter-in-Law” about how to handle a possible case of dementia in her elderly mother-in-law. The advice you gave was sound, but you missed one thing. Please suggest that her husband include all siblings when discussing Mom’s future right from the start. The only ground rule should be that it is OK to agree to disagree.
I wish my sister and brother had spoken with me when it came to decisions concerning my mom. If they had, maybe we would still be on speaking terms.
— Left Out in Poughkeepsie
Dear Left Out: Absolutely, all siblings should be included in discussions about caring for aging parents.