Annie’s Mailbox: Ex-husband on woman’s mind
July 10, 2010
Dear Annie: I met my current boyfriend while separated from my ex-husband, and we now have a beautiful son together. The problem is, I cannot let go of my ex-husband and his family. I'm sure they feel the same, because we secretly see each other all the time.
My ex-husband was unfaithful. When I found out, I left him. But there is a lot of unfinished business between us. You'd think I would never cheat since I was the victim of such a betrayal, but I've discovered that I have no power over being faithful to my child's father.
Is there any hope for me to be faithful to any man in this lifetime? I am always asking myself whether there is someone better out there. Do you think my ex and I have a chance at love again?
— Lost Unfaithful Love
Dear Lost: Honey, you need to grow up a little and understand yourself better. Of course you can be faithful, but not if you are still "looking." You have a child now and a responsibility to provide a stable environment for him. This means putting his best interests above your desires.
Are you pining for your ex because he represents excitement? (Cheating, because it is clandestine and forbidden, can do this.) Have you resolved the issues that ended your marriage? Have you worked on improving your current relationship? Before you upend your son's life, please get into counseling. Ask your boyfriend to come with you, explaining that you have some issues and want to strengthen your relationship. If he won't go, go alone and figure this out.
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Dear Annie: I'm in high school, and one of my best friends always performs better than I do. We both participate in the same extracurricular activity, and she wins every time.
I am a fairly successful athlete, but nothing compared to her. Even when I win, I lose. At a recent tournament, I was undefeated the entire time and advanced to the championship round, and so did she. We didn't compete against each other, but she still won due to a technicality.
I'm so jealous of her abilities that everything she does is starting to irritate me. I've started secretly to root against her when she competes. She hasn't seemed to notice, but I worry it's hurting our friendship.
— Green Eyes
Dear Green Eyes: Of course it's hurting your friendship. In order to salvage it, you will have to make a conscious effort to put your jealousy aside, and that is not an easy thing to do. Your friend is very talented, and you suffer in comparison. So stop comparing. She's Michael Jordan. Put her in a class by herself, and consider your competition to be everyone else. When you can admire her skills without feeling diminished, you will be able to root for her with genuine enthusiasm. Please try.
Dear Annie: My thanks to "Screener" for helping job seekers with our online personas. It offers a chance for counterpoint:
Please instruct your IT department to set up an auto-response for your e-mail applications. We appreciate knowing ours has been received.
Please list a contact person so we can personalize our applications.
Please indicate a reasonable timeline for a response. We're looking for work, and it puts us in a difficult position if we have to hold out waiting on one job.
Please tell us which website forwarded our application to you. Most of us belong to several, and it helps us (and you) to make sure the resume is a current one.
Most importantly, if you have hired someone, please send out a mass e-mail to those who didn't make the cut. This common courtesy goes a long way to instill good will, as we will tell others your company treated us with respect. — P.R.
Dear P.R.: We've heard from many hopeful job-seekers whose main complaint is that companies never get back to them. We hope they are reading this.