Lance Scranton: Conspiracies are everywhere!

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Lance Scranton

I’ve definitely got a conspiratorial streak that runs through my sensibilities, and every once in a while, I veer off into wondering about things. I could blame the heat, but I try hard to stay out of it because I know that too much heat can cause people to think crazy thoughts.

But, what if constantly chip-sealing the roads in Craig really is someone’s dark methodology to fuel an increased use of our health care system? Some of the curbs and manhole covers in my subdivision are so deep that I have to give my kids safety lessons on avoiding each. And don’t get me started on what it does to my vehicles!

What about pets? Are pets just another way to keep us from actually enjoying neighborhood living, and could they be a way to turn neighbor against neighbor in some tribal, territorial battle that will cause us to make more use of our law enforcement agencies? I can scarcely walk 10 feet in my neighborhood without a dog letting me know that I am getting a little too close to their territory. And, don’t get me started on the conspiratorial implications of dog waste!

What if concern about the impending doom of our planet from climate change is just another way to help pass the dog days of summer and get us so worked up that we actually have to adjust our air conditioners down just to stay cool? I never hear much about our warming planet except when it’s really warm outside. I remember living in Northern Canada in the 1970s when global cooling was going to send us all underground (but we had really long winters, so it did kind of make sense).

I remember when I was young and life seemed so simple, but then some governmental agency brain-conditioned me into thinking that I had to grow up and become responsible. I can’t figure out how I got tricked so easily.

Hope you’re having a great summer! You know that the big oil companies have a vested interest in green lawns … because then we have to cut them (and use gas and oil or electricity). I knew it! It’s the power companies, too!

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