I stopped making New Year’s Resolutions some years ago.
I came to realize that I had not realized any changes at all. All my Old Year’s Resolutions never resolved a thing.
No matter how resolutely I approached Jan. 1 with shoulders squared, jaw set, furrowed brow and a heroic and magnificent meeting of both frontal lobes converging upon that singular goal, I rarely saw a Jan. 31 that gave any evidence whatsoever of my promise to myself.
In my Old Year’s Resolutions, I have committed to stop doing something, start doing something, go somewhere, learn something, lose something, gain something, build something, or … whatever.
Those somethings never came to fruition.
I finally determined that resolutions were bad for my self esteem and I should avoid them entirely.
If you like that excuse, you may use it.
That piece of wisdom dawned on me at fifty and a couple years young. Several “awakenings”, or “Ah hah!” moments gave birth to thoughts I had never meditated deeply on.
Having crossed life’s International Date Line, I began to contemplate my contributions, my successes, the failures, the “should have’s” and the few things I’m proud of.
I found nary a single resolution amongst the proud stuff.
It took thirty years of adulthood to realize that resolutions were not solutions. All my resolutions had exterior goals. They were something I should do or not do.
They were measurable, visible and apparent.
But the things I was proud of having done, were things that came from within. As I took a tour my inmost self, I discovered that everything I had done that I was proud of was the result of believing truth.
Not just “A” truth, Truth itself.
We can find “A” truth to justify our lie. It happens in the courtroom, the legislature and advertising all the time.
The Truth is the most profound principle in the universe. It is not a law of physics but it precedes them. It is immovable, unyielding and intolerant of the slightest falsehood.
One cannot possess Truth. One can only allow it to possess oneself.
Therefore, there is no “your truth” and “my truth.” Truth will not bow to situations, personalities or powers.
Truth does not take sides nor does truth pick companions. Truth is never found by seeking justification.
Everything that caused me regret was the result of believing a lie or lies. Yes. It was that simple.
I discovered that the most painful lies ever told about or to me were the ones I told myself.
I discovered that truth is not low hanging fruit. It must be pursued with passion.
Since that time, I have come to value truth deeply.
I thought I did before. But it was much more the collection of individual truths rather than Truth, the Omnipotent, the Omniscient, the Person.
The dynamic of Truth itself had not quite captured my meditations. Truth is an incredible power, a precious gift, a formidable fortress as sanctuary and an overpowering army to go before you.
A caveat here: I have not yet learned for Truth to have its way, always. I am still discovering lies I’ve believed in and can’t quite shake. I still have “knee jerk” responses that seem to come without my bidding.
What I am saying is, please, don’t consider me the example. I speak here as a beggar telling other beggars where to find bread.
So, I have no resolutions for 2013. I want to keep what little self esteem I have.
I just want to make a daily choice to live, love and know the Truth. And whatever fruit comes from that will be good enough.