H. Neal Glanville: Don’t send it to the stupids

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H. Neal Glanville

I’ve spoken about my visits to facilities with very caring people and special doctors for those that let their weak and normal sides square off to nose bleeding fisticuffs to resolve issues that seemingly don’t affect anyone but them.

Had it not been for a long-haired psychologist — older than Pikes Pike I’d like to add — walking up to me on one of my many visits saying, “Go home, Mr. Glanville, you’re better than most of us,” I’d still be worrying over how I was going to explain to the normal side that eating soup out of a colander was fine.

But, was I about to have this giver and teller of tests come along and tell me I’m a step and a bit ahead and should go home, never to worry again that my brain is just a sponge with a few minor leaks?

Not in this lifetime.

Not to be outwitted by this giver and teller, I asked for an in-depth explanation and what I could do to stop the leaks.

Take a note here: Never ask for a long, drawn out explanation of anything; always go for the “Readers Digest” version.

Simply put, I’m an abstract-linear thinker, and without drilling through my grey matter, which side is which will never be known. I can say, however, the stuff that doesn’t leak out makes this column really fun to put together.

Take, for instance, the three years of sound bites from the President about the importance of rebuilding America’s economy and the priority of keeping jobs here to boost the failing value of our dollar worldwide, and how the banks are going to make it easier on home owners in default and the new home buyers.

The heck with worldwide — now the folks inside the beltway are talking about shutting the government down because there’s no money.

What the heck’s the mint been doing lately, setting up for a universal game of Monopoly?

The economy is getting so bad, residents of Planet Stupid are running TV ads offering to buy your Christmas gift cards for pennies on the dollar.

If you received a gift card, use it as it was intended, and if necessary, trade it back to the giver or pass it on to someone in need. Just don’t send it to the stupids.

The number of homes in default is only going to become greater when those long- and short-arm loans start jumping out of the bushes this year and next. This will make your house worthless if you can’t pay its bill.

As to the creation of jobs, a free market creates jobs, not some know-it-all idiots inside the beltway, who should have their rear ends smacked with that belt their so proud of.

If you’re one of the 9 percent or so who file taxes early hoping for some spring spending money, holdup there Buck-O. The IRS isn’t set up for early filers yet and isn’t really sure when they will be, so push that idea back a bit.

Now for something completely different

Once again, I didn’t get my 1934 Bugatti for Christmas, But as life will have it, I did receive a box of socks and as the normal side weighs it, warm feet are happy feet.

And finally

Ladies, you know how frustrated you get when you ask us to go somewhere and we get lost and don’t ask directions?

Well, there’s a reason for it: We really don’t want to go there.

Hey, you be careful out there and stay to the light.

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