Annie's Mailbox: How do I handle the fact that husband looks at porn?


Dear Annie: The other day my 2-year-old son picked up his father’s BlackBerry and gave it to me. When I looked at it, the web browser was on a site where women post sexually explicit ads with pictures. I confronted my husband, and he claimed he was only checking out the website because a work associate suggested it and he was bored while driving home.

I have never suspected him of cheating, but this is the second time he has been to this website and used this excuse. I cannot stop crying and thinking about it.

I am also appalled that he would risk his life and his family’s future by checking out a website while driving. It must have been really important to him. I don’t know what to do.

— Arizona

Dear Arizona: Looking at porn sites that advertise can be a prelude to cheating, and, in any case, the lying is a serious issue. Tell your husband that his behavior is undermining your trust and you would like him to go with you for counseling. You know the rest — if he won’t go with you, go without him. You need to discuss this with a professional and develop some coping skills.

Dear Annie: I recently had a visit from an old friend and am still fuming about it. Because I have a nice home and live in a desirable vacation spot, there are people who expect me to be thrilled that they popped in to see me. For those who do the visiting, here is my advice:

• Don’t plan to stay more than three days in someone’s home. After that, get a hotel room.

• Don’t expect your hosts to do everything for you. Take care of yourself and don’t be a burden.

• Rent a car or take a bus if you want to see the sights. They don’t owe you a tour. And, if they drive you anywhere, offer to pay for gas.

• When they get home from a long day at work, don’t tell them you were bored lounging in their house all day.

• If they take you somewhere, don’t make a mess of their car, complain about how long the trip is or expect them to stop every 15 minutes so you can use the bathroom.

Hopefully they will see themselves and get the message.

— You Are No Longer Welcome Here

Dear You: We suspect this friend is not the easiest to get along with on a good day and, as a guest, was particularly annoying. Even so, all guests should try to be as considerate as possible if they expect to be invited back.

Dear Annie: You recently printed a letter from “Scared Daughter-in-Law,” who asked whether or not to call 9-1-1 since her relative had a DNR request. Your response focused on the legal requirements, but I’d like to get into the other aspects.

Her letter doesn’t say if the mother-in-law is bed-ridden, terminal and in constant pain, or why she signed the DNR in the first place. Is she under a form of hospice care for those nearing the end? And most importantly, what would she want her family to do?

One should respect the wishes and dignity of those facing the end of their earthly existence.

My father recently died at home in my presence after a long illness, also with a signed DNR.

I have no idea what the legal requirements were (I didn’t ask his doctor), but I know what he wanted. And to be honest, if the legal conflicted with the moral, then the family has some hard decisions to make. In such circumstances, you may have better suggested she talk to her fellow church members or a wise friend.

— Reader in Bangkok

Dear Bangkok: We understand the sentiment, but taking matters into your own hands could result in a murder charge. We urge all readers who are faced with caring for relatives to check the requirements and legal ramifications of a DNR with their doctor and a lawyer.


taxslave 6 years, 10 months ago

Why is it that this column is always sexually orientated? Seriously, is this the best you can do?


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