Annie's Mailbox: Wife’s intimacy is peculiar

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Dear Annie: I have been married to a beautiful woman for more than 10 years, and we have been together for nearly 20. In spite of our close relationship, I am troubled by the increasingly peculiar nature of our intimate lives.

Always sexually vibrant, my lovely wife has become a wild woman in the bedroom once or twice a month, but only after heavy drinking during one of her “girls’ nights out.” The rest of the time, she is disinterested at best and harshly standoffish at worst.

I love my wife and am amazed at her occasional carnality, but the one or two days of erotic pleasure are becoming less and less worth the 28 days of emotional instability and sexual rejection. What can I do?

— Frustrated in Pennsylvania

Dear Frustrated: The fact that your wife is only interested in you when she is totally smashed is a problem. We won’t even get into what might be happening at her “girls’ night out” that makes her so enthusiastic in the bedroom. If she is going through menopause, she may need the combination to rev up her libido. It also would explain the mood swings. The only way to work through these kinds of problems is by dealing with them honestly. Ask your wife to talk to her doctor about her “emotional instability” and lack of libido. Then please get into counseling so you can work on this together.

Dear Annie: My best friend has a beautiful, bright, articulate almost-6-year-old daughter, “Kit.” They have a nice home and good manners and are fun to be with.

Kit is in kindergarten. When we go out, she is perfectly capable of using the restroom herself. However, at home, Kit prefers to use her potty chair. Unfortunately, the potty chair is kept in the family room, just a few feet from the dining room table. Kit uses the chair in front of whoever is in the room, and will also eat dinner and watch TV at the same time.

I’ve repeatedly suggested that Kit’s potty chair should, at the very least, be in the bathroom. But when Kit has to use it, she will pick up the chair and carry it to wherever she wants. Last week, she brought it next to the TV and proceeded to poop in it. Her mom thought it was hilarious. I told her Kit needed a potty intervention. She suggested I write to Annie’s Mailbox. What suggestions do you have?

— Deborah in Los Angeles

Dear Deborah: We have to admit we laughed, but we’re on your side. Kit needs to confine her toilet activities to the bathroom, and Mom should encourage this instead of turning a blind eye. It doesn’t do Kit any favors or teach her anything useful by allowing her to carry her potty chair all over the house and poop in front of company. Better that she stops this sooner rather than later.

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