H. Neal Glanville: Tickle Me Elmo, and season’s miracles

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H. Neal Glanville

“De plane, de plane.”

Well, maybe not de plane, but Moffat County sure has been hit by the gravy train.

First, the county gets a goober of cash, but we still aren’t sure where that’s going. Maybe after all the head-butting is over regarding the rent at the Moffat County Public Safety Center, someone will give us a breakdown of that cash flow.

As a boy, my brothers and I, and sometimes a worthless cousin or two, would watch the bulls arguing over which cow belonged to who.

There’d be bellowing, groaning and a lot of snot flying everywhere. We’d always bet something, usually a chore we didn’t want to do, on which bull would be the winner.

None of us ever won.

As life will have it, by the time the bulls got done butting-heads and throwing their weight around, they were too tired to even ask a cow out, let alone the other stuff.

How’s that for a politically correct statement? 

Next, as if by a poor navigational miracle, de plane drops an even bigger gob of cash on the Moffat County School District.

We should all ask Santa Claus (OK, the school board) to hold this money for the specific purpose of repairing or replacing the Moffat County High School swimming pool and throwing some into better wages for the teachers’ aides and the other underpaid staff.

I know asking St. Nick or the school board for either one of these is like asking a Tickle Me Elmo to shut the heck up, but it is the season for miracles.

In the non-miracle department, the City of Craig and the Craig Daily Press have once again become the target of some vegetarian tree-huggers over the black bear shooting a while back.

Please pay attention: there was no law broken. Although the hunter’s ethics might be questioned, anyone with the grit to bear hunt in the bear’s front room deserves some credit.

Where were you guys when Daniel Boone killed the bear from his window in Steamboat Springs? And let’s not forget the bear problem in Aspen, where the bears are so smart, they know how to use the level door handle to walk in your front door.

Give the ironic a rest and worry on our republic’s ever-increasing economic woes.

Now for something completely different

Over the past couple of years, I’ve garnered bits and pieces of computer usage from Jane and our granddaughter, Haley. So on Saturday, I sat where I’m sitting now and Goggled myself.

What a rush.

For somebody that’s as ignorant as I am of the computer age, it needs to be taken in small doses. After I read the Chinese translation of last week’s column and found I had an Internet fan club, the normal side shut down and the weak side exploded.

Fortunately, the explosion occurred in my bald spot so my hat will cover any scars.

And finally

On Saturday, I went to a Christmas party alone, not because I wanted to, but because Jane was called in to work early Sunday morning.

For those who know me well, this was a monumental achievement. I don’t do very well around people, and without Jane as a backup plan, I usually find a safe place to hide or run home.

I’d like to thank those that invited me and without knowing made me feel comfortable enough to stay.

I especially wish to thank the young lady who lost $5 to me bowling. You paid for our new vacuum belt.

As my sister-in-law says, “Never bet against the old man.”

Hey, you be careful out there.

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