craigdailypress.com

Remember the days when action heroes were big, dumb brutes who were always easy to cheer for as they doled out their brand of justice?

One of the stars of “The Expendables” certainly did, so he made his movie accordingly.

When government agencies need someone who can do a dangerous job fast and efficiently, they call The Expendables, a group of soldiers for hire who perform every task as if it were their last, because in their line of work, it very well may be.

Led by Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone, who also directs), the team includes knife expert Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), martial arts genius Yin Yang (Jet Li), weapons authority Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), demolitions man Toll Road (Randy Couture) and sniper Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), whose unbalanced approach to missions has resulted in his expulsion.

When Ross accepts a new job, he and right hand man Lee expect the same kind of scenario they’ve seen hundreds of times before: enter a foreign country, blow up some bad guys and be home in time for dinner.

But, this time is a little more complicated, with a rogue CIA agent (Eric Roberts) running a puppet regime and drug trade through the dictator (David Zayas) of an island in the Gulf of Mexico.

To make matters worse for our heroes, they’re also dealing with the repercussions of releasing their former teammate, who’s none too happy about being canned.

Even in his mid-60s, Stallone proves that he can face off against guys half his age, as he rips through this fictitious island like a bag of potato chips, using nothing more than his trademark look of steely determination and a few grunts of effort.

Statham is just as good as hot-tempered blade-slinger Lee, whose slight distraction — a girlfriend (Charisma Carpenter) who will only continue to date him if he tells her where he goes for weeks at a time — does not deter him from whipping his little beauties around with deadly skill.

It’s the ex-Expendables who have the most personality, whether it’s Lundgren as psychotic Gunnar, who launches a one-man war against his old friends, or Mickey Rourke as Tool, who’s happy to lend a hand to his pals in the U.S., but prefers to stay out of combat.

Watch out for his soliloquy about his time in Bosnia.

Li is fine as quiet but lethal Yin Yang, as is Crews as heavy artillery man Caesar, who carries a personalized straight razor, for when he runs out of ammo, but Couture is just annoying as neurotic Toll Road, who doesn’t seem to serve any purpose at all. At least Roberts makes a decent villain, backed up by bodyguards played by former wrestler “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and kickboxer Gary Daniels.

The cast is busting at the seams with men who have made a career out of pulverizing others, and that’s just how director Stallone likes it. Although we’re missing names like Chuck Norris, Jackie Chan and Steven Seagal, he’s made some great casting choices, even if Jean-Claude Van Damme’s refusal of a role shows why he’s “the muscles from Brussels” and not “the brains.”

Stallone knows what he wants in creating a free-for-all with all these big name guys, and he most definitely gets the kind of action we all crave. But, it’s the way he does it that makes it work as more than just another action collective and rather a pastiche of all these stars’ former roles.

It’s a typically dumb movie made smart with a knowing acknowledgement of the tried and true formulas that drive its kind. Rather than work around this hindrance, Stallone embraces it with no apologies, making for one explosive scene after another.

As if that weren’t enough, we finally get the holy trinity of 1980s and 1990s action heroes onscreen together, as Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis join the director for a great moment that’s two cameos just for the sake of it.

But, no complaints here.

“The Expendables” is the kind of feature that’s perfect for guys’ night out, so feel no qualms about keeping your wife, mother or grandmother far away from the theater. Then again, if Nana gets her kicks out of seeing the man who played Ivan Drago shoot a dude completely in half, that’s all the better.