You know you are too old to go trick-or-treating when someone puts a candy bar in your trick-or-treat bag : and you lose your balance and fall over.
Or you get winded from knocking on doors.
When you live way out in the country miles from anywhere, you don't spend a fortune buying candy because you aren't going to have any Halloween visitors.
Well, maybe you better rethink this.
What does one do for fun? You either have a party or you drive a radius of 30 to 40 miles and visit everyone you know in your end of the country.
I remember one such Halloween night.
It was just great fun. The neighbors popped in and suggested that we dress up and go around visiting everyone just to see what we'd get. Well, almost everyone. There were some that were too spooky for our tastes.
But wait. I didn't have a costume.
I'm used to people saying I have on a nice mask when I'm not really wearing one, but I wanted to be different this year.
The neighbors all went back to their house to see what they could scrounge up to scare folks with.
Awwww, a light bulb went off.
I got out a brown paper sack, cut two holes for eyes, drew some big eyelashes and bright red lips and decided to go as a "Bag Lady!"
So, here they came and we started out on our big adventurous evening. They were all dressed in camo clothes and camo paint so of course who could tell who was who?
One guy even wore one of those black knit stocking hats that roll clear down over your face and all you can see were two eyeballs. We were a scary bunch.
We decided to go to the local grocery/liquor/deli/book/gift store, which happened to be the Brown's Park Store.
They couldn't believe their eyes. They even gave us some candy. Wow.
We visited for awhile and then decided to hit a few houses on our return trip. Everywhere we stopped we got apples or candy or something. Not bad for a buncha old folks. And we were laughing so hard we didn't care if we got anything or not. It was a great fun evening.
Our last stop of the evening was at the newest member of the community's home.
They had a bunch of hunters from out of state visiting and staying with them. Did we care? No. The more the merrier. So, we just marched right on in and sat down and everyone roared.
Our ghostly treat at this place was definitely the spirits - a glass of wine.
Then one of the hunters asked if he could have my bag lady mask to take home to his wife because she was not going to believe that he was out in Colorado on a hunting trip and ran into a bag lady in the wilds. I dug it back out of the trash can where I'd tossed it and handed it to him.
He was delighted. What a nice variety of loot we took home that night.
There are just some things you might want to remember if you care to stay popular with your trick-or-treaters, no matter how old they are and that is what not to treat them with: Spinach-flavored rice Cakes, teeth-removing taffy, Metamucil in a straw, Ex-Lax brownies, caramel-covered zucchini, colored Crisco on a stick, chocolate-covered prunes, or a handful of Red Man.
Nope, not a good idea. You might be cleaning toilet paper out of your bushes for a week!
So, be good to your little spooks and goblins, witches and monsters.
Watch out for them, enjoy them and treat them well.
Oh, and why shouldn't you goose a ghost? You will only end up with a handful of sheet!