Kathy Bassett: Tidbits to end the year

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Kathy Bassett

Kathy Bassett's column, "The View from Maybell," appears in the Saturday Morning Press.

How many times did we hear folks tell us “Don’t cry over spilled milk?”

Were they talking about actual milk being spilled out of a glass or carton?

Naw.

Most of the times I ever heard that statement was right after some sort of problem jumped up and presented itself. Generally, it was some stupid idiotic thing we’d done, and we were whupping ourselves up over it.

When you’ve got five little kids running around, you can’t always keep track of what’s going on.

So, one day, I walked into the laundry room to find the wall gaily decorated with crayon drawings. Well, of course, immediately I knew which kid had created the “not so popular” work of art, so I proceeded to get after her.

Later, I found out that it was not the child I had accused.

Oh boy, I started whupping myself up. Did it help? Naw. Just apologize, make it up and move on.

“If the wash don’t get it, the rinse will.”

What do you suppose that one means? It basically means that if you lie about something and get away with it, eventually the lie is going to catch up with you and you will be found out. I don’t care who you are, you’ve told a lie once or twice and thought you got by with it only to find out later that you didn’t. It’s just a whole heap easier to just tell the truth and get it over with.

“The higher the monkey climbs, the more he shows his tail.”  

So, yeah, go ahead and put yourself up on that pedestal and pat yourself on the back.

After awhile folks get tired real fast of hearing how great and wonderful you are. They could care less about how much better you are at doing everything.

We all know folks who, when they walk into the room, are blowed up like a big balloon and that’s when you tell everyone that you have to run because either you are getting a root canal done or you just remembered that you have to clean your toilet.

And, talk about groaning when someone starts in about how much money they got, all their new stuff they bought, and/or how many cruises they’ve taken.

It’s like, “Who gives a hoot and a holler?” I like to tell them that “I’m so poor, I think I’ll paint my rear end white and run with the antelope!” This is another good opportunity to let folks know you are due for another root canal.

Back when CB radios were so popular we enjoyed listening to other folks yakking over the airwaves while traveling.

Sometimes it got to be pretty entertaining. I remember once, when we were headed to Grand Junction from Brown’s Park, some guy was saying that if he didn’t put the pedal to the metal he was going to be late to own wedding. He got funnier and funnier as we drove along, but the clincher was when he was talking about his new mother-in-law.

He told the whole world that she was so ugly she’d make a freight train take a dirt road.

I would have liked to have seen what he looked like. Did his maw have to “tie pork chops to his ears just to make the dogs play with him?”  

“It’s a real frog strangler,” means it is raining real hard.  

“You see some sights when you haven’t got a gun,” is when you see someone or something really weird.

“Useless as a pogo stick in quicksand,” is slang for ain’t worth a dang.

“I’m a stuck duck in a dry pond” — meaning a very difficult situation to get out of.

Gosh we ‘ve all been up this crick without a paddle, too. But remember that there is never a road so long it doesn’t have a turn, and no matter how bleak or horrible things may appear, it ain’t gonna last forever.

So don’t despair.

“Nothing goes over the devils back that don’t come out from underneath his belly” — if someone does wrong to someone, in turn they will have something done wrong to them.  

Just remember, though, that you don’t have to be one doin’ — the good Lord takes care of everything and He’s watchin’.  Oh yeah, is He ever watchin’.  

So another year ends and a new one begins. Count your blessings, not your problems!

I hope you all have an awesome New Year!

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