Annie's Mailbox: Trust shattered by husband's habits

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Dear Annie: I recently learned that during my entire marriage my husband has visited strip clubs, touched other women and had lap dances. He says he's sorry.

"Andy" has never been the best husband or father, but I thought we had a good sex life. I have been an interested and enthusiastic sex partner. Now that I know about his past activities, however, I no longer enjoy sex with him and just go through the motions.

Andy and I have been to counseling, but my trust has been shattered. I get plenty of attention from men and now find myself flirting back. I just want to warn others that this kind of cheating behavior can ruin a marriage.

- Wife of a Sneak

Dear Wife: They know that. What are you going to do about your situation? You can remain angry and keep punishing him. You can get a divorce and start over. Or you can find a way to forgive him so you can work on your marriage and make it better. What you are doing now is only going to make you both bitter and miserable.

Andy betrayed you. Is he willing to take his lumps and follow the counselor's suggestions? Can he do anything to regain your trust? His actions must be completely transparent, and you must be willing to move forward. Otherwise, sorry to say, it's over.

Dear Annie: You missed the point with "Happy American Bachelor." Many women out there want a guy with a well-paying job. Sometimes, they flat-out say you don't make enough money. Go to any online dating site and you'll see women who list income requirements much higher than their own. And I remember a woman who was 4-foot-10, yet her guy had to be 5-foot-9 or taller. They are too picky.

It's not always the guys who are doing something wrong. There are so many unrealistic women out there that I've

- Given Up, Too

Dear Given Up: Most women want a man who isn't a freeloading slacker. But for every woman who insists on a 6-foot-tall millionaire, there are 10 others who simply want a guy who is fun to be with. Keep looking.

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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