Archive for Saturday, March 8, 2008

Archive for Saturday, March 8, 2008

Andy Bockelman: ‘Semi-pro’ misses the mark

March 8, 2008

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At the movies

West Theatre

29 E. Victory Way, Craig

824-2000

Movies:

10,000 B.C.

1 hour 49 minutes, Rated PG-13, Action/Adventure/Drama

Vantage Point

1 hour 30 minutes, Rated PG-13, Drama/Suspense/Thriller

Show times at West Theatre:

Friday and Saturday 7 and 9:05 p.m.

Sunday at 4 p.m.

Monday through Thursday at 7 p.m.

Metropolitan Wildhorse Stadium Cinemas

655 Marketplace Plaza, Steamboat Springs

870-8222

Movies and show times:

Definitely, Maybe

1 hour 52 minutes, Rated PG-13, Romance/Comedy

Showtimes: 2 p.m., 4:45 p.m., 7:20 p.m.

Jumper

1 hour 28 minutes, Rated PG-13, Action/Adventure/Drama/SciFi/Fantasy

Show times: 2:40 p.m., 5:20 p.m., 7:30 p.m.

Juno

1 hour 31 minutes, Rated PG-13, Comedy/Drama

Show times: 2:30 p.m., 5:10 p.m., 7:40 p.m.

No Country for Old Men

2 hour 2 minutes, Rated R, Action/Adventure/Drama/Suspense/Thriller

Show times: 2:10 p.m., 5 p.m., 7:45 p.m.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (Le Scaphandre et le papillon)

1 hour 52 minutes, Rated PG-13, Drama

Show times: 2:20 p.m., 5:00 p.m., 7:35 p.m.

The Spiderwick Chronicles

1 hour 37 minutes, Rated PG, Action/Adventure/Drama/SciFi/Fantasy

Show times: 2 p.m., 4 p.m., 7 p.m.

Carmike Chief Plaza 4

813 Lincoln St., Steamboat Springs

879-0183

Movies and show times:

10,000 B.C.

1 hour 49 minutes, Rated PG-13, Action/Adventure/Drama,

Show times: 7 p.m., 9:30 p.m.

College Road Trip

1 hour 23 minutes, Rated G, Comedy,

Show times: 7:15 p.m., 9:20 p.m.

Semi-Pro

1 hour 30 minutes, Rated R, Comedy

Show times: 7 p.m., 9 p.m.

Vantage Point

1 hour 30 minutes, Rated PG-13, Drama/Suspense/Thriller

Show times: 7 p.m., 10 p.m.

— In a sport full of legends, one man stands out in the game of basketball.

Not because of any kind of talent or on-court courtesy, but because of an amusingly horrible blond afro. That man is Jackie Moon, and his courageous story is told in "Semi-Pro."

Or, at least, that is what the promotions say.

The Tropics of Flint, Mich., are the disgrace of the American Basketball Association, largely in part because of their owner/coach/power forward Jackie Moon (Will Ferrell), an egotistical, has-been singer who constantly sells the team's equipment, thinks "practice" is a four-letter word and devotes most of his free time to perfecting half-baked promotions and half-time shows.

He has no skills in the game and only keeps the team going as a way to further his celebrity status.

With the league's 1976 merger with the NBA, Jackie is ecstatic, believing he will finally be able to get a wider audience for his shenanigans : until he learns that only the top four ABA teams will make the cut, and his Tropics are way down the list.

In order to hang onto his franchise, he brings Boston Celtics benchwarmer Ed Monix (Woody Harrelson) on board to try to bring the team into a "respectable" fourth place.

Ferrell draws upon his experience with sports movies ("Kicking and Screaming," "Talladega Nights," "Blades of Glory") to create another insufferable athletic guise; he really pushes the boundaries this time around, as Jackie picks fights with fans, threatens the lives of referees and openly propositions his teammates' wives all in the course of a single game.

Harrelson goes back to "White Men Can't Jump" territory as loose cannon Monix, who only agrees to be part of the team to win back his ex-girlfriend (Maura Tierney) who still lives in Flint.

Andre Benjamin is hardly used as Tropics star Clarence "Coffee" Black, passed over in favor of gratuitous comedy from mismatched commentators Dick Pepperfield and Lou Redwood (Andrew Daly, Will Arnett), who would disgrace the likes of Chick Hearn and Marv Albert.

Altogether, too many comedic talents are minimized in the film, including Andy Richter, Matt Walsh, Rob Corddry, Tim Meadows and many more.

The disintegration of the ABA led to the NBA appointments of the San Antonio Spurs, Indiana Pacers, New Jersey (then New York) Nets and, most importantly, the Denver Nuggets.

However, like ill-fated teams the Kentucky Colonels and the Spirits of St. Louis, the movie sadly is likely to go nowhere and be forgotten quickly.

Jackie Moon's outrageous single "Love Me Sexy" plays often enough to stick in anybody's mind, and the '70s fashions are gut-bustingly horrendous.

However, the humor is scattershot, only occasionally even hitting the backboard.

Not only is the story considerably slow, especially with such a short running time, it also noticeably rips off films such as "Slap Shot" and "The Bad News Bears" in its use of third-tier athletes who are prone to fisticuffs.

An early scene with Jackie Earle Haley (one of the stars of the latter) as a tweaked-out hippie is an ominous sign of bad things to come.

"Semi-Pro" has been heavily promoted for quite a while, but even the most dyed-in-the-wool Will Ferrell fans will only find it semi-funny.

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