It starts with a goodbye.
It is emotional.
And it is necessary.
"It" is moving on.
Some people spend their entire lives never saying goodbye, never moving on. They pretend to say goodbye because the thought of something being gone forever is more than they can take.
The thought of that loss, that change, lingers in their mind, but the lack of courage to move on restricts them. It holds them back.
I have always promised myself that I would never be that girl.
The girl who hates goodbyes.
The girl who can't let it go.
I promised myself that I would never be the girl with a long distance relationship.
And for a long time, I haven't been.
That is until the last 10 months.
"No strings." This was the lie of our long-distance relationship.
But if there were no strings, why did I compare his qualities with that of other guys? Why did I call him at the end of the day? If there were no strings, why were we breaking up?
When we said our last words - said our goodbyes - I dropped the phone just like I dropped him out of my life.
And I cried.
Although I hate to admit I cried over a boy, tears fell at the thought that he had stepped out of my life forever. I didn't cry at the thought of not hearing from him in two weeks, rather it was the thought of not knowing where he will be six months from now, a year from now.
I said goodbye, because I could no longer rely on this unpredictable faith of "no strings" to predict my reality.
And this is just one of the lessons of "moving on" that I'm facing.
I am moving on from my physical reality.
I have chosen to move out of my house in Craig and not to return for the summer in order to create a home of my own here.
I am moving forward on my future.
I have found a passion in writing and a dream. I have built a resume and applied to untouchable opportunities. I have followed my dreams - not those of my best friends - and chosen to go to Spain next semester.
And I am moving on in my view of myself.
Within the past two weeks, the aforementioned choices have given me a new perspective. I am not an underclassman anymore. So, I have to stop living like one.
It is a reality check when you decide to move out and become a guest in your own hometown home. Although I moved out of my house my freshman year, I still spent four months out of the year in Craig.
These decisions are emotional and are necessary.
Now, with my summer being spent in San Diego, I will say goodbye to many things.
And hello to this new chapter in my life.