Man Law No. 1: Sports may influence every man's life in one way or another.
Forty-eight short hours separate the everyday Colorado football fan from watching his team, the Denver Broncos, take on the St. Louis Rams at the Edward Jones Dome.
While the enthusiasm may certainly be there, this fan has to candidly ask, am I ready for some football? Am I armed with an adequate enough recliner, television and other gear to embrace the true beauty and splendor of fall -- Sundays on the gridiron?
If the answer is no, you want to act quickly. Time, after all, is running out.
Maxing and relaxing
Man Law No. 2: Man should not be required to work Sundays from September to February.
OK, so your old crusty old recliner just isn't frying your bacon anymore. This is a chair unbefitting of the football fan.
Luckily for you, local furniture stores have exactly what you need.
"For a football fan, this is the ultimate," said Misty Peterson, owner of Furniture Connection, 1111 W. Victory Way. "This is the coolest football thing I carry."
She's referring to three brown leather reclining chairs. Sounds like pretty standard-faire stuff, right? Wrong. These aren't your granddaddy's rockers.
Because tucked inside each of the chairs are the modern-age magic wands -- remote controls. At the push of a button, the fan seated in these chairs can prop up his feet, lean back or be completely horizontal.
The chairs are priced at a special of $775 each this week.
Homemaker Furnishings has an equally impressive chair.
"I've got the perfect thing for you," store employee Charley Watkins said. "You won't believe this."
He points to the Cool Cat, a recliner by Catnapper.
It's maroon and heavily padded. Off to the right side is a control panel. At the push of a button, the person in the chair can receive a massage. Off to the left side is a built-in cooler, capable of storing a six-pack.
A customer came in recently and considered buying the chair -- it sells for $739 -- for her husband, Watkins said. Then, she abruptly changed her mind.
"She said, 'He's not getting that chair because I'm getting that chair,'" Watkins said.
Sweet nectar of the gods
Man Law No. 3: Never be that guy who goes to a party and drinks everyone else's beer without having contributed to said stash of beer.
Kathy Kolbaba, who's worked at Loadout Liquors for the last 26 years, sees a blitz of customers Saturdays and Mondays for good reason -- fans are arming themselves for Bronco games.
"Especially Bronco-Raiders games," she said.
You can get kegs of beer at almost any liquor store, but a veteran of the adult beverage, Kolbaba suggests buying cases instead.
They're cheaper -- $20 a case (tax included) for domestics such as Coors, Coors Light, Budweiser and Bud Light -- and don't require the additional work and cups that a keg does.
"Just throw them in the tub with ice, and you're all set," she said.
Man Law No. 4: Jerseys are mandatory on Sundays during football season.
From bumper stickers to magnets to shirts, hats and jerseys, the everyday Bronco fan would be well served by visiting the Bargain Barn, 506 Yampa Ave., for all of his or her apparel needs.
A section of the store is dedicated solely to numerous items including wallets, pennants and banners emblazoned with the Bronco insignia. Owner Diane Brannan said if her store doesn't have it, they can get it.
"We have everything from newborn stuff to (shirts) that come in double XL," Brannan said. "The next few weeks, we'll be getting a lot more stuff in. There's nothing we can't get."
Man Law No. 5: If the game is on, watch it. Game time is game time. A man shall not miss a game for any reason.
The behemoth television in Craig rests undisturbed in a back room at Radio Shack, 106 W. Victory Way. It's a 56-inch JVC with the latest in micro-display technology.
"If you want a big-screen TV, and you don't want to pay a ton of money, that's the way to go," said Radio Shack's Jamie Eckroth.
The television sells for $3,495. The store also offers various other flat screens and home theater systems. Eckroth said additional stock will be coming in soon.
Homemakers also offers big screens. Football fans can choose from two flat screens, 37 inches or 42 inches, with liquid crystal display (LCD) technology and high-definition capabilities. The televisions are available on lease-to-own agreements.
It's not uncommon for a football fan to wander into the store during the season, checking out the latest offerings to enhance Sunday viewing.
"Traditionally, we sell more around football season," Wat--kins said. "We won't sell any for a while, and then it gets closer to football season, and you have a run on television sets."
Man laws taken from the Web site www.manlaws.com.
Joshua Roberts can be reached at 824-7031, ext. 210, or firstname.lastname@example.org.