You don't know me.
My intent with this column is to change that. I've learned a few things during my short time here -- quality of Craig and Moffat County type things.
I've learned that here, unlike many other places, community isn't just a word thrown around. That people take it to heart. That it's a genuine belief of residents.
I've learned that there are great people working inside the Craig Daily Press office at 466 Yampa Ave. I've learned not to cross our office manager, Nancy, for she is wise and all-powerful.
I've learned that running in the altitude here is killer good, that racquetball at Trapper is a blast and that I must not ever, ever, ever, say anything bad about the Broncos or Republicans*.
But, while this town -- my home for now -- has revealed so much, I feel disingenuous by revealing so little.
Let's change that, if, for no other reason than the fact that I'm bored, it's 1:45 a.m. and I feel like tickling the keyboard.
What I think:
I think that liberals have been given a bad name because of over-the-top, tree-hugging zealots.
I think that much more unites Americans than divides us.
I think that compassion, caring for your fellow man, tolerance, forgiveness and kindness isn't a sign of weakness, but one of enlightenment.
I think Lincoln was a liberal and a Republican and he freed the slaves because of it.
I think our ancestors who long ago rallied and told King George to sit on his tea and crumpets and spin were, too.
I think our country is built on rebellion, and I dig that.
I think that our hearts should bleed for homeless people, including children who are sleeping under bridges and beneath cardboard boxes tonight.
I think Johnny Cash was a poet.
I think old school rap is cool.
I think Mailer was right when he called Hitler the devil's answer to Jesus.
I think bin Laden will spend eternity roasting in a jet-fueled hell**.
I think NFL quarterback Tom Brady is the same age as me, is a millionaire and dates a starlet.
I think I make far less than Brady, have nothing more than a daily deadline and a mangy dog.
I think, therefore, ADVANTAGE BRADY.
I think Caddyshack, Animal House and Cool Hand Luke share a three-way tie for greatest movies of all time.
I think the best books of all time are The Great Gatsby and On the Road, closely followed by The Bartenders Bible.
I think I could care less about Paris Hilton, Britney Spears or that loser K-Fed.
I think reality TV sucks.
I think that many so-called intellectuals, scholars, professors and scientists paint Christianity and other religions confessing a belief in a higher power in a negative light.
I think they do so wrongly.
I think if you're smart, you should surround yourself with smarter people who disagree with you.
I think raising the level of public debate is never bad.
I think Hemingway was a drunk, a coward and a great writer.
I think that the rich dominate the poor and always will.
I think it's a tragedy that guys from my hometown of Basehor, Kan., and Craig, Colo., are sent to fight and die in war while the sons of the people who sent them do keg stands at elite college frat parties.
I think psychos like the madman behind the Bailey school shooting should save time, bullets and body bags by offing themselves first.
I think that politics and religion don't mesh.
I think where science stops, religion starts.
I think that believing in something is better than believing in nothing***.
I think that being smart is better than being cool.
I think that teaching is the noblest of professions.
I think I'm rambling and that my editor is probably grumpy because I've been too lame in this column.
I think I need a nicotine break.
I think I will die if I take too many of them.
I think that hope, love and doing right by others can save the world.
I think I've written enough and, for the four of you who read this diatribe of late night, sleep-deprived madness, I believe I thank you.
Now, I think I'm done.
- Although I think supporting either is sheer lunacy.
- * Preferably with 72 STD-diseased prostitutes.
- ** Unless that belief is George Bush is a really swell president.