The burly men in dresses stationed by the door smeared bright red lipstick across their mouths each time they smacked a kiss on an audience member's face.
It was a clear omen that the 57th annual Kiwanis play was going to be a memorable, if slightly traumatizing, experience.
There are people who will fight to get the image of hairy men in can-can dresses out of their heads for nights to come. Or Bo Lyons and Tim Novotny garbed in nurse outfits sponging off Craig's newest surgeon. The only hope is that the alcohol that was so plentiful it squelched any disturbing memories.
The humor was vulgar, racy, crass and politically incorrect. Probably 75 percent of the jokes aren't fit to be published in a newspaper.
For the most part, high-profile Moffat County residents and institutions got their heads handed to them by the Kiwanis members during sold-out performances Friday and Saturday night at the Moffat County Fairgrounds Pavilion.
Not even the Kraig Daily Mess received amnesty from the satire. The newspaper was mocked for blowing jumps and was issued a gag order by Judge Judy, played by Dave DeRose, prohibiting articles about feuds between Marianna Boatbottomless, Stan "The Man" Hatehorn and Def Sailor.
But the Moffat County Board of Commissioners, Public Safety Center inmates and WGAC (Who Gives A Crap News), received the brunt of the satirical assault.
During the Moffat County Blame Game, a game show skit where Les Happening asked county employees why the county is in financial trouble, Sterryl Deal, "the forgotten commissioner," kept insisting he be included in the game, but Happening couldn't remember he was around. Meanwhile, Boatbottomless answered every question correctly, even though her answers contradicted each question.
The Sheriff's Department took a bashing for allowing an inmate to escape while shoveling snow outside the Public Safety Center. Larry "Cheech" Seip and John "Wong" Husband played two inmates amazed at how easily they escaped from jail, simply by walking away.
Their plan was to score some narcotics at the hospital or from "some guy" with a medicinal marijuana permit in Hayden, but a jail guard quickly recaptured them by following their tracks several hundred feet through the snow.
But the peak of the public mockery was directed at Michael Belch of WGAC news, played by Rich Foster. Belch asked Craig Mayor Dave DeRose how the county was doing, was openly criticized by his father, Hospital administrator Randy Belch, and was told his questions were stupid by Kiwanis production chairman Rob Sovine.
Craig City Council escaped the play unscathed, because, DeRose said, there is a rule that no council members can do "anything stupid" between Thanksgiving and the night of the play.
Beer Factor II was certainly the most stomach churning moment of the night, as contestants raced to see who could most quickly chug a beer with a raw egg in it, then a beer with a meal worm, a beer with two fish, and finally a beer with a raw egg, a meal worm, two fish and sheep testicles.
Rob Gebhart can be reached at 824-7031 or by e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org.